There is a highly damaging myth of modern society (gleefully pedalled by marketing companies trying to sell us stuff) which tells us we always need to feel good.

That is: that there are some emotions such as happiness, joy, excitement, and love, that we should be feeling. And others, such as worthlessness, blame, hate, anger, or sadness that we shouldn’t feel at all.
 
And what I want to offer you in this post, is permission to banish this myth from your life completely, and step into a sense of personal freedom instead.

You won’t believe how freeing it is to simply stop believing that it is bad or wrong to feel whatever it is you feel. Full stop. No exceptions. AAAALL the feels are okay.

Now, before I get myself into trouble, let me just say that there is a difference between consciously feeling an emotion and mindlessly reacting to it.

For example, allowing yourself to feel anger might mean letting the heat of fury rise up within you until you see red. And fully expressing it might mean consciously channeling that powerful feeling into some activity, such as writing or running.

Importantly, allowing yourself to feel anger does NOT mean following whatever crazy impulses that anger inspires in you in each moment. In fact, feeling and expressing your anger on a regular basis will actually prevent those painful situations where repressed emotions bubble up and cause you to lash out in ways you really wish you hadn’t.

That’s the trick — in order to consciously shift your emotions, you first have to come into relationship with them.

Why is it so important to come into relationship with your emotions?

Emotions are at their core, energy, and you cannot remove energy, you can only work with it.

It’s so common in our culture to stop ourselves from feeling what we feel.

‘Calm down, it’s not that bad!’ we say.

Or ‘Get over it, it’s time to sleep!’

Or ‘Stop feeling confused/lost/angry/in love and just move on already!’

However, denying our emotions in this way, never actually works. Not in the long run, at least.

Denied or ignored emotions never simply disappear. They linger inside us instead.

When we stuff emotional energy down inside us, it shows up in all sorts of funky ways such as headaches, backaches, insomnia, and mood swings. It shows up as compulsive habits that distract us such as overeating, overwork, or addictions (to social media, for example). 
 
 Repressed emotions also show up as an underlying dissatisfaction with life. When we choose to disconnect from our difficult or ‘bad’ emotions, we disconnect ourselves from the ability to feel the expansive ‘good’ ones as well. Our bodies and brains are simply not set up to allow us to feel one set and not the other.

Emotions are also intricately linked to all manner of higher-level consciousness.

Scientific studies link the emotional part of the brain to our ability to make decisions, distinguish right from wrong (morality), develop relationships, move about socially as part of a wider community, and maintain our sense of security and self.

Put simply: To be emotional — to love, to care, to despair, and to hope — is as natural to us humans as it is to breathe.

Trying to control our emotions might seem like a good idea in the moment, but stifling that life energy over time actually robs us of many of the inner processes and sensations that make life feel meaningful, fulfilling, and safe.

There are the two components of an emotion: an emotional feeling or sensation that occurs in our body and an emotional thought. The interaction between these two components is part of the reason why emotions often seem so complex.
 
 Let’s start with the sensation:

In addition to the sensation, however, there will also be thoughts associated with an emotion. Something like:

It is with our thoughts that we create meaning out of our emotional sensations. It is with our thoughts that we define the story of our lives.

Importantly:

What’s interesting to note, is that exactly the same emotional sensation paired with expansive thoughts (‘It’s OK’, ‘I get to feel whatever I feel’, ‘I’ll support myself through this’, etc.), will result in a completely different experience of life.

Regardless of how we feel in any one moment (which often cannot be changed — not immediately at least), we always have the power to change our experience of life by changing the nature and focus of our thoughts.

There is so much more to discuss around the complex topic of emotions. However, the main thing I want to offer in this introductory post, is permission to positively engage what you feel, even if that feeling is ‘bad.’